2. Pornography, Masturbation and ejaculation

Ross, has lots of qualifications in Veterinary Science, Teaching, Holistic Therapists and absolutely none regarding sexual health. Still hopefully you will find these blogs honest, amusing and informative.

This blog article is sexually explicit and discusses pornography, masturbation and ejaculation. In British society these are subject rarely discussed openly and might be at odds with some people or their religious beliefs. Please stop reading if these subjects make you feel uncomfortable, offended or disgusted.

These days pornography is incredibly widespread and easily accessible, via the internet. This is a very new phenomenon and I strongly suspect will further promote sexual insecurities, female coercion and abuse. The range of sex acts available for viewing is mind-boggling and often very unhealthy in forming physiological, emotional and physical attitudes in young men.

“. . . . many men train themselves into PE by masturbating quickly, often to pornography. PornHub, the world’s largest porn site, says more than half of its largely male audience spends less than five minutes per visit.” (Psychology Today. (2019). The Latest on Curing Even Chronic Premature Ejaculation (PE). [online] Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/all-about-sex/201905/the-latest-curing-even-chronic-premature-ejaculation-pe [Accessed 2 Jun. 2021].)

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The free availability of pornography was not a thing when I was growing up as a teenager in Birmingham. Soft pornography was socially accepted and available with Page 3 Sun Girls, and naked glamour models in top shelf magazines in some newsagents, but that was generally the limit.

Hardcore pornographic material was only available in specially licenced sex shops for the over 18’s and then at a prohibitively high cost.

Surprisingly, I discovered a source of hardcore pornography available when growing up, and its location mystifies me to the present day.

While still at Junior School, me and a couple of other boys would play in a common ground. Hiding among the trees and bushes we would regularly discover hardcore pornographic magazines left there. I can still remember the excitement turning the pages expectantly and discovering the full range of adult sexual activity explicitly depicted before our eyes.

I quickly became fascinated with these magazines, carefully wrapping them in plastic bags and hiding them to avoid discovery and later sneaking back alone to take another look. Remember I was too young to ejaculate or even properly understand masturbation. These furtive expeditions with their fear of being caught, significantly contributed to future premature ejaculation conditioning. From a way too early age I believed sex was highly exciting and to be hidden away in fear of being caught.

Looking back as an adult I suspect, a more sinister reason for these magazines being left to be found by young boys. Fortunately I never encountered their owner. This was the 1980s before child grooming, sexual abuse or child line was ever discussed openly.

For years I dreamed of being a male porn star, but knew having a rather average body and suffering from premature ejaculation was going to prevent me ever making it.

Back to the twenty first century and internet pornography. I believe pornography as an entertainment and art form plays an important role in society. When done well it can be an extremely powerful, exciting, fantasy and beautiful cinematographic experience. However if you regularly watch pornography there are a few rather obvious things to remember.

1. All pornography is fake, made up by actors
2. Nearly all pornography is made specifically for male viewers
3. The stories and roles the actors are playing largely reinforce misogynist stereotypes
4. The actual sex acts are rehearsed, and edited to make them look glamorous
5. The actors both male and female are professionals, very sexually experienced and a lot less turned on than they appear.

My problem with the majority of pornography is the depiction of coercion, domination and exploitation of women. I believe, if the pornography industry really cared about feminism they would write more interesting stories about strong sexual powerful women who initiate sex with men and take control as equal partners.

You wont see many of these stories on internet pornography because they don’t pander to those insecure men watching. The mainstream porn industry could really promote female sexual emancipation to a captive young male audience if they wanted to.

I am sure there are some truly wonderfully strong independent women involved in the industry. However their character roles seldom reflect their own personal power. If you get a moment Google Stormy Daniels and check out how she humiliated Donald Trump.

Internet pornography also focuses almost solely on the pursuit of male ejaculation. This may not be obvious at first, but watch critically and notice how most scenes sole direction is in the culmination of men cumming in or over the woman.

When watching pornography you are being subconsciously conditioned that male ejaculation is the most important and exciting part of sex. Continue watching unquestioningly and you will ultimately believe: women want to be penetrated quickly, thrust into aggressively and then ejaculated on. This is simply not the case, if you have the courage, ask you partner if that’s what she wants.

It’s true, the women acts delighted when the man spunks all over them. However this is more due to direction, and probably relief that the scene is completed and they can both have a cup of tea than sexual fulfillment!

If you are sexually inexperienced having had just had a few slightly embarrassing initial sexual experiences, stop worrying. Literally no one has the dynamic polished sexual experiences depicted in pornography.

My advice when starting any sexual relationship is:

Take it slow.

Become good friends.

Chat honestly and relax.

Experiment and laugh.

Forget what you’ve seen through pornography.

Real life sex is messy, unpredictable often disappointing but by being open and honest with your partner it can also be a joyous sharing experience too. It’s very unlikely your partner expects or wants the sex depicted in pornography so chill out. My wife and I enjoy cycling together but she doesn’t expect me to ride like Danny MacAskill or her to be Beryl Burton.

If your partner is more experienced than you, relax. She has probably already experienced the disappointment of a guy trying to emulate pornography and just cumming before she is even properly aroused. Chill out be honest and enjoy the journey together.

Honestly, the last paragraph on internet porn. If you watch regularly you are being conditioned for premature ejaculation. Take a break as there is another way of enjoying sex called, making love. A relaxed, loving and fulfilling way for both partners. If you must watch porn and its highly addictive (there is a chapter later that explains how when we discuss dopamine) watch it critically and remember its actors and stories are fake.

So lets move onto masturbation, most men watch porn, masturbate and ejaculate while enjoying the scene. If you do this, make a mental note of when you are most likely to ejaculate during the scene. If its when the actor also cums think about why this should be. It’s a phenomenon called contagious yawning. When one person yawns others will subconsciously yawn too, the same goes for appears for stomach rumbling. Prostitutes sometimes use this technique to hurry along a client by loudly faking an orgasm themselves.

Now you know ejaculation is largely triggered by thinking about it. These articles aim to change the way you think thus help cure premature ejaculation so keep reading. Incidentally much later on we can discuss how it feels when your partner has a vaginal orgasm during penetration and positions to help you keep calm during this climatic experience.

Masturbation whilst watching pornography will not help reduce your premature ejaculation, we need to get our heads out of porn fantasy and into our own bodies. When and why do men masturbate and can it ever be useful in delaying ejaculation time?

Part of becoming more mindful about masturbation is thinking about what triggers the urge to masturbate to ejaculation. Do any of the following apply to you?

1. Times of acute stress, the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol are also involved in ejaculation. For a brief period it reduces stress levels or least act as a distraction from the causal agent.
2. Times of boredom, the motivational and reward biochemicals, serotonin and dopamine are also integral to ejaculation. Masturbation is something to do, costs nothing and feels pretty good.
3. Suddenly feel the urge, as little as one thought may give you the urge to feel horny. This is normal, try and remember what thought, memory or stimulus gave you the urge, it might be important to understanding later.

We know there are numerous health benefits to regular sex, for example reduced blood pressure, release of positive hormones like Oxytocin, improve sleep. Paradoxically sole masturbation does not offer these benefits.

Why would it make a difference whether you ejaculate during sex or on your own? No one’s sure. But your body seems to respond differently. Even the makeup of semen is different if you masturbate instead of having sex.

Griffin, 2017, WebMD Male Masturbation: 5 Things You Didn’t Know www.webmd.com

This is an interesting quote, although depressingly we see the author unable to discriminate between sex and ejaculation.

Regular masturbation and ejaculation can easily become a serious habit. Although the data seems somewhat inconclusive one researcher reports many English men masturbate and ejaculate seven days a week! (Lucas, 2020, How often should men ejaculate, www.forhims.com). The body will adapt to stresses exerted upon us, if you ejaculate every day you will do so very quickly because that’s how you have trained your body!

If you have a regular sexual partner, try abstaining form masturbation entirely for a while and see what positive effects you discover. If you don’t have a partner then set yourself a challenge, go for a week without masturbating and note any positive benefits. Once out of the habit, try the exercises below when you have an hour of private time.

Even then, there’s nothing specific about masturbation that’s the problem. Compulsive masturbation is like any behavior that disrupts your life — whether it’s compulsively playing poker or checking your social media every other minute.

Griffin, 2017, WebMD Male Masturbation: 5 Things You Didn’t Know www.webmd.com

Scheduling time for masturbation can be an enjoyable meditation and learning experience. It is helpful to experience some the physical sensations of intercourse on your own at a relaxed pace. Experimenting can be a very useful way for men to learn about our bodies.

Try lubricant and physically stimulating of different parts of the penis (the head of the penis is most sensitive, however the base of the shaft actually triggers ejaculation).

A timer can be used, initially try 10 minutes then progressively longer, keeping the touch light and notice different sensations. Become aware of your heart beat and breath and note how these change when you feel more stimulated. Tighten and constrict your pelvic muscles what difference in feeling does that make. Try closing your eyes or staring at your penis, hold your breath, pant whatever just experiment and notice the bodily sensations.

Like any meditation an enormous amount of interesting and useful knowledge can be gained by watching your thought as if from outside your own body. Are you in the present moment or playing out some mental fantasy? Visualise ejaculation and notice the effect this has on your heart rate and penis sensitivity.

Conversely let yourself become completely distracted by another matter. Think about a work issue or project, whilst masturbating and once again note the effects this has (take care you might accidentally ejaculate whilst distracted!) See how it feels to decide to finish a masturbation session when a timer goes off without ejaculation, simply take a few deep breaths, get re-dressed and continue with your day, how does that feel. I experience a certain delightful energy for hours afterwards.

Through calm mindful masturbation without ejaculation it is possible to start to unravel the years of conditioning causing premature ejaculation. You can also start to understand what triggers ejaculation. This is an ideal training and learning experience.

Remember watching pornography and ejaculation will only reinforce the learned conditioning. In the next blog I will discuss the anatomy and physiology of ejaculation and this will help understand whats happening inside our body to trigger ejaculation.

Remember to subscribe to my mailing list. I have noticed subscriptions made through an organisational or educational email address are not working, this is most likely due to your institutional firewall. You can always just send me an email to hello@RossWhite.org and I can add you to the email list directly.

Please also fee free to leave a comment or question below.

Future blogs in the pipe line – still requiring a fair bit of writing.

• Understanding the physiology of ejaculation
• Meditation, mindfulness and delaying ejaculation
• The magic bullet – my experiences of drugs and ejaculation
• Initiating sex, relaxing positions and easy riding for long lasting sex
• Dates, honesty and non egocentric love making
• Tantra, more than just sex

Cheers Ross

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