1. Introduction to Premature Ejaculation

17 March 2021 26 March 2021

Ross, has lots of qualifications in Veterinary Science, Teaching, Holistic Therapists and absolutely none regarding sexual health. Still hopefully you will find these blogs honest, amusing and informative.

I have made it my mission to understand premature ejaculation, research as much as possible, experiment with different techniques and finally overcome this habit. If my research and hunch is correct premature ejaculation is a common problem and cause of distress for many men both young and old. I strongly believe my understanding of this subject can help others, or at least make you smile, so please subscribe to my newsletter and comment on the blogs.

My formative sexually active years was marred with disappointment and embarrassment caused by ejaculating before both my partner and I were ready. Premature ejaculation made me anxious about sexual relationships, specifically penetrative intercourse. While I became especially adept at cunnilingus (giving oral sex to a woman), I still felt inadequate as a lover.

I wanted to experiment with different sexual positions, have long luxurious sex sessions. Cumming quickly left me physically cheated by my own body and feeling rather pathetic in front of my partner. Intercourse felt like a race to thrust as much as possible and to give as much stimulation to my partner before I came, it was all very stressful. I watched the guys in porn films with admiration and jealousy of how they could penetrate a series of girls seemingly for hours without squirting and loosing their erection.

I’m not sure what initially formed the habit of premature ejaculation but it was probably an amalgamation of the following triggers:

Regularly finding in a local park hardcore pornographic material which I became fascinated with at a very young age.
Actually being somewhat sexually immature and not being able to ejaculate until after my peers.
Fascination with masturbation during my teen age years always ending with ejaculation.
A sexually inexperienced first partner who experienced pain during our first attempts at intercourse.

Researchers found that premature ejaculation affects between 10% and 30% of men surveyed with the highest incidence being in those under the age of 30. Unsurprisingly less experienced or those who have infrequent intercourse men are more likely to experience it. Interestingly they also found it does not appear to be caused by any medical conditions or physiological factors. However this is a point I will challenge in later blogs when we examine the process of ejaculation and the biochemicals involved. It seems lifelong rapid ejaculation is related to a our bodies chemicals that affects our nervous system especially serotonin and also hereditary factors. Go on I dare you to ask your Dad if he suffered from premature ejaculation. My Dad was very open about his rapid ejaculation. Bizarrely after confiding in him he was also very open to telling others I suffered too, at least it was out in the open!

In a society where so much emphasis is placed on performance everyone achieving mind blowing orgasms, premature ejaculation left me with feelings of :

Inadequacy
Loss of self control
Embarrassment
Fear of loosing partner
Anxiety about having sexual partners
Avoidance of intercourse in preference to oral or digital sex
Depression and reduced self worth

Premature ejaculation is a condition that effects many, no most men at some time. The definitions vary from one opinion to another, there is not a definite scientific time period that a man should be able to last before ejaculating.

Research suggests the average time for a man between 18 to 30 years old to last between starting actual vaginal intercourse to ejaculating is just six and a half minutes and this is the normal time, on first discovering this pitiful time frame it dawned on me that I was rather more normal than I relised. However as very few women can achieve a vaginal organism at this break neck speed, there must be an awful lot of somewhat unsatisfied female lovers.

For those able to come during intercourse, it took six to 20 minutes, an average of 14 minutes. But the study’s main finding rendered its time-to-orgasm focus largely irrelevant. Two-thirds of the women—69 percent—never climaxed solely from intercourse.
Castleman, 2021 Psychology Today “How Long Does It Take Women to Climax During Intercourse?” www.psychologytoday.com

So with most men lasting only a few minutes, the term of reference I’m going to use is, simply ejaculating before you and your partner are ready and satisfied to draw conclude the sex session. This concurs with sex therapists who suggested that ejaculation occurs prematurely if the woman does not reach orgasm during intercourse at least 50 percent of the time. I do find the idea that unless your partner reaches orgasm you are suffering from premature ejaculation rather unfair. With another therapist suggesting any lack of voluntary control of orgasm defined premature ejaculation. Again this definition treats orgasm and ejaculation as the same thing which we will see in later blogs is not necessary the whole story. Men can reach an orgasmic state several times without ejaculating and loosing their erection, we can discuss Tantric sex in detail later.

Scientists have for the first time defined what counts as sexual dysfunction, and if you’re clocking under 180 seconds – estimated to be a total of 45 thrusts – then you have a problem, friend.
Jenkin, 2014 , Does your sex last less than three minutes? , The Tab www.thetab.com

However, a short period 180 seconds is I think its unhelpful to stigmatize a man who ejaculates quickly and its certainly not going to help him relax into being a long easy rider. I also think Jenkin is missing the point when he infers its all about how much you can thrust you penis in and out of your partners vagina. That sounds more like using a jackhammer than making love! While you wait for me to finish writing the next article please remember the wise words of these Tantric sex therapists who says :

However, a couple who engages in 45 minutes of unrestrained feverish manual and oral-genital foreplay, followed by one minute of pleasurable intercourse, would not be considered by us to be cursed by premature ejaculation.
tantra.co.nz

There are a couple of different categories of used to describe premature ejaculation; “lifelong or global”. These relate to rapid ejaculation that occurs with all partners since puberty. The other category is “acquired or situational”, this only occurs with certain partners and is a new conditions maybe with new positions or preferences.

Many people think ejaculation is a reflex like sneezing or coughing and not under our voluntary control. I would suggest with proper concentration and training this is not always the case and we can decide when to ejaculate the same way as we can decide not to sneeze at an inappropriate moment. These blogs will help you by giving practical hints and tips on how to stay present during intercourse and not get carried away with the excitement of the moment.

But lets tackle the issue of premature ejaculation one step at a time, its going to take practice and patience, a sense of humor and a diminished sense of our own ego. These blogs chronicle my own experiences and regular failures. Hopefully you will find them entertaining and humerus.

The next blog is about pornography, masturbation and ejaculation. I will include my thoughts on these matters and some practical exercises I found helpful. It should be published before the end of the month so be sure to join my mailing list and be notified once its published.

Future blogs in the pipe line – still requiring a fair bit of writing.